the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We are all done wearing pants today
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