ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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