look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
