I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
