it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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