I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
