That's when you crack a 10am beer
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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