I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
