Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
