I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
