I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
