if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize