you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
