She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We are all done wearing pants today
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
