he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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