if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
