Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
