i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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