my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
