there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
