I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
