I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
