My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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