Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize