He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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