I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
