I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
