i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
