I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
