i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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