i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
