Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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