Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
