you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
