Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
