I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you would pick up someone in the library
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
