Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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