I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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