True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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