R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
