Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
