Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
