hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
