Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
