so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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