You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
did i just pee glitter
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
