I hope mine doesn't look like that
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
