his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
