dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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