I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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