i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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