My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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