My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I could fuck to npr.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
