Jerry, you need to find god
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
