I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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