The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
