why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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