Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
