based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
