So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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