Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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