Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize