dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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