I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
