I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
