last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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