Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
