He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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