sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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