Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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