I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Shame - the story of my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
