We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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