he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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