another moral hangover. fuck.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
