i permit you to call me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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